The present moment is inevitable

www.nadinebuckinger.com

2010-01-15T16:52:00.000-05:00

This blog has been put to rest. If you are looking for Nadine Buckinger please try www.nadinebuckinger.com

Just like a "Real" artist

2009-10-16T20:29:00.003-04:00

A few weeks ago Jimmy and I walked through a yellow jacket's nest and were both stung multiple times as we hopped and slapped and danced from the sidewalk to the street, arms and legs flailing, yipping and eeeking our way down the road. It was funny and painful and a perfect story for a blog post.
Except I had no desire to write it.
And that's when I knew TPMII had reached the end of its run.

I have a new online presence though. One I have been wanting for a long time. A real website, with my name as the url, and my art as the subject. A place to send people when they ask "what kind of painting do you do?", a place to support me when I approach galleries.

And so without further ado, I give you www.nadinebuckinger.com

(No) Labour Day

2009-09-08T13:20:00.001-04:00

A few photos from our afternoon at Pilot Mountain yesterday.
I have been having a terrible time with my internet connection for several weeks. Trying to post crashes the system (including our Vonage phone) so there's my excuse for the lack of blogging.
I am anxiously awaiting a brand new shiny Apple laptop which should arrive this week, and which I hope will clear up all my computer issues.

I am so not "Type A"

2009-08-21T16:12:00.008-04:00

Well then. About time I wrote something don't you think?
The photo is one I snagged off of flickr, but I would have taken it myself if I'd had my camera with me this morning. This old Shell Station is a bit of a Winston-Salem landmark and just a few blocks from my new job. It is maintained, but not in use any longer. Too bad. Maybe we wouldn't mind gas prices rising if we got a value added experience, like this cool facade or live music while we filled up...

I love my new job.
Love, love, love.
I have been welcomed with hugs and smiles and enthusiastic "see you next week Nadine!"'s when they leave. And I can leave it behind when I go home. It's fun and no stress and does double duty of making me feel I am contributing a little sunshine to someone else's day at the same time as brightening my own.

I'm also working on constructing two mantras for myself. I'm not really a mantra person and I have no plans to stand in front of the mirror each morning reciting "I am a good and worthwhile person". I was recently inspired by this article in WIRED magazine about Dibert creator Scott Adams though, and thought a little saying to help remind me what direction I'm heading in could be a good thing. My two mantra categories are:
1) Art Career
2) Personal Growth

I'm just playing with them for now, trying to find something that doesn't just sound ridiculous and weird. And I'm having much trouble with the art one because I keep defaulting to "I will be a successful artist" but I can't seem to define what artistic success is to me. Selling X number of paintings? Getting into a gallery I admire? Getting into a juried art fair? Actually, at this point just painting a picture would be success. I haven't picked up a brush since before our trip.
And the personal one goes something along the lines of "I will be present for each moment and live my life skillfully." Doesn't exactly roll of the tongue does it? I want something that I can play in my head like a favourite song, when I need encouragement or decision making help or before I open my eyes in the morning.
A little reminder of what I want my life to be.

My other family :-)

2009-08-13T19:56:00.002-04:00

We got back last weekend but just haven't made time to sit down and write.
I did however get some photos loaded onto Flickr, so here you go :-)

Pause

2009-07-30T10:42:00.001-04:00

I'm on pause 'till we get back from Vancouver Island!

These are not my balls.

2009-07-22T19:41:00.004-04:00

Hilda and I are driving to Judy's in Charlotte tomorrow for the big ball reveal.
Judy had the nerve to send us this website a few days ago.
What was she thinking???!!!
Just when I was feeling pretty good about my own balls too.
*sigh*

Ch..ch..ch..Changes

2009-07-21T19:55:00.002-04:00

I have a new job :-)
It all came about quite quickly last week when I saw this posting on craigslist. I applied, was called for an interview and got offered the position all within a few days. For the next few weeks I will continue at the Enrichment Center in the afternoons and get training at Senior Servies in the morning. I have handed in my resignation to the EC though and will leave at the end of the term mid-August.
I had my first day of training at Belview yesterday... I think I am going to love it :-)

Are you a canoe?

2009-07-16T20:41:00.003-04:00

paper, encaustic and oil on panel 7"x7"

I decided I didn't like the cups painting in the previous post (far right), so changed it to this one. What are these things? Where do they come from? They are somehow reminding me of Inuit art. Painting the way I do is such an odd experience. I do so little planning (uh... usually none at all actually) and then these shapes or objects get thrown out of my mind and away I go. I really like these though. I feel an inukshuk series coming on...

simple

2009-07-12T13:56:00.010-04:00

paper, encaustic and oil on 7"x7" panels

Got three of my small panels done this weekend. I'm not in LOVE with any of them, but I so enjoy the process - the smell of warm beeswax, revealing the paper underneath, the repetitive mark making. It's a curious thing because I can look at these simple paintings and know if I saw them in a gallery I would be attracted to them, yet at the same time I question whether they even deserve to be called "paintings". Are they too greeting card? too boring? too simple?
Simple and I have an uneasy relationship. I love simple in other artists' work but have not come to terms with it in my own.

A Series in the Making

2009-07-08T11:37:00.005-04:00

When I did the little piece last month for Krankies EM Gallery auction, I was excited to discover how much I enjoyed working small. The panel they gave me to paint was just 6 inches square, and although I never work BIG, this was about half the size I usually do.
I ordered some 7"x7" panels and have an idea for a series of small paintings based on that auction piece. Today's photo shows step one of my process. Glue a bunch of patterns cut from magazines onto the boards. The patterns will get covered with wax, then exposed in the lines I scrape away as I work. I think the first one I do will be a copy of the Pods with Lines and I'll take it from there.
In other is Nadine still painting? news, the balls are in progress, but I dare not post photos just in case Judy or Hilda surf by. We are getting together at Judy's in Charlotte later this month to uh, "show our balls" and decide what's next - do we find a space to exhibit or tackle another assignment first? I'm really pleased with the two balls I've completed (one to go) and am SO curious to see what the other two are coming up with.

Seen in a Window on Trade Street

2009-07-05T10:19:00.003-04:00

Happy Canada Day All!

2009-07-01T17:03:00.001-04:00

Before and After

2009-06-26T20:39:00.003-04:00

Ok, I know for many of you (are there many of you???) these two images look almost identical, but trust me, the small changes I made to create the one on the right will allow me to sleep peacefully at night. I lightened both the brown and the blue allowing more details in the texture to emerge, and I am really quite happy with the results.
It pays to keep playing :-)

Balls balls balls

2009-06-25T19:52:00.008-04:00

Ball Assignment Study, 8"x10" encaustic and oil

My, my, how time flies. When your husband starts to comment on the lack of blog updates, you know its time to post something...
Still painting, although mostly struggling with this one. My friend Hilda, her friend Judy and I have formed a little "painting homework club" and the first assignment is to paint a series of three balls. The first was originally due next week, but we just extended the deadline, so now I have until the end of July to figure it out. This has already gone through several versions and right now my biggest issue is colour. As usual. I think if I change the brown at the bottom the orangy red may not bother me so much. I'm having fun playing though, not getting hung up with ruining the parts I like in my attempts to change the things I don't. It's all learning the craft :-)
Speaking of craft, I mailed off an application for another encaustic course at Penland in November. Yay! Fingers crossed.
Speaking of Penland, one of my classmates from last year is coming over for tea tomorrow morning to see what I've been up to and tell me about her upcoming trip to Santa Fe for a solarplate workshop.
Speaking of upcoming trips, David and I are heading to BC end of next month for his brother's 65 birthday party. I've been drooling over websites and wondering why we don't live there.
Speaking of websites, this one is now up to date.

The Painting Formerly Known as Clouds

2009-06-14T09:46:00.004-04:00

I picked up "Clouds" from the Associated Artists show a few weeks ago, and although I thought absence might have made the heart grow fonder, that dang thing was still like a pebble in my shoe.
It was doomed to suffer the big melt.
And I gotta tell you, it was all ahhhh... sweet relief when the heat gun hit that wax :-)
Clouds is now a lost paddles boat, and I can finally sleep at night again.

Sold!

2009-06-07T20:23:00.007-04:00

Since my epiphany last weekend, I have painted (at least a little) everyday, I've started doing morning pages again - (and actually enjoying it... hold the presses!), I finished reading Art&Fear and this afternoon I sold a painting :-)
I think I just might start believing this woo-woo stuff about flow and the universe smiling down on you when you start to make some moves yourself.
The painting is going to one of my former Artists Way coaches who lives in a beautiful home by the Yadkin River. I'm chuffed because Janet is an artist herself, a writer and a poet, and from what I have seen of her home, she has an eye for interesting and ... hmmm, I can't seem to find the word, but when you look around her home, nothing looks as if it was bought just because it was on sale, or because it matched the curtains or because it's the latest fad. Her house is uncluttered and tasteful but also warm in the way of history and memory and home. Her husband contacted me last week about buying a painting as a birthday gift for her and they came over this afternoon to look at my small (but growing!) collection. She picked the birds and boats.
I did this painting two years ago, and I was just looking at it the other day thinking how much my style has changed since then.

Although, there are still the birds...
And the boats...
And the undefined horizon...
So change, but no change :-)

Mark Makers

2009-06-02T09:38:00.004-04:00

Rae Dunn

Amanda Blake

Elaine Pamphilon

Christopher Griffin

And me :-)

Epiphany!

2009-05-31T16:13:00.008-04:00

3 Pods with Lines, Encaustic, oil and paper, 6"x6"

I had an "A-Ha" moment yesterday while out on my walk with Jimmy that has profoundly influenced my weekend. The thought came to me, that if spending the whole day painting, breaking only for yummy nutritious food, perhaps a cup of tea mid-afternoon and a walk at some point, if that was the beauty and magic of my experience at Penland, then why oh why would I not be striving to recreate that on a regular basis at home?
Why does surfing the web, driving here and there, shopping, watching TV, puttering away the day... wwwhy? how does this happen?
I hesitate to say this insight will forever change the way I schedule my time, but the hesitation is only because I don't trust myself to follow through. But truly, this idea, which now is so clear and obvious and well, duh could revolutionize my creative life.
I want to paint. But I don't paint.
Yesterday I painted. Today I painted. Tomorrow?
That will be the test. There's grocery shopping to be done and work and well then I have my meditation group tomorrow night...
But really, any increase in studio time will be significant and of course life at home can't actually BE Penland. But sheesh, why not head in that direction?
I'll never do a great painting without first making a pile of not so great ones, and I'll never do the not so great ones sitting in front of my computer...

uh, oh ya...
bye!

Earthy Goodness

2009-05-25T10:28:00.009-04:00

I haven't been cooking much lately. Soup season is *over until next fall and I haven't found a replacement. This week the universe seemed to be conspiring to get me back in the kitchen though. On Wednesday I met one of my old colleagues for tea, and afterwards I treated myself to a lovely half hour wandering around The Fresh Market. Fresh Market is a small upscale grocery store; they play soft classical music and have beautiful displays. You will not find Oreos at the Fresh Market. I picked up a ball of fresh buffalo mozzarella, a fancy bottle of garlic and olive oil marinade and a head of organic red leaf lettuce. Lunch? Check.
A few days later I passed by a farmer's stall who had organic golden beets which I tasted for the first time at the Maira Kalman restaurant in New York. I'd never made beets before - my only experience was pickled beets and red stained teeth. These golden beets were almost good enough to eat raw, like an apple. Sweet and yummy.
Here's my recipe if you find some where you live...

Nadine's Roasted Golden Beets

- set oven to 450F/230C
- slice beets 1/2" thick and lay on cookie sheet
- drizzle with olive oil, sprinkle with salt and pepper
- roast 25 - 30 minutes, until soft
- when almost done, top with a generous pinch of freshly grated parmigiano reggiano and put back in the oven to melt

Meanwhile on the stovetop, quickly steam the beet greens until just wilted, then stirfry in a little butter or olive oil (you may want to roughly cut up the greens first).

Serve the roasted beets over the greens with a hunk of fresh bread and butter.

* Update! I just pulled out one of my favourite soup books and it has a whole chapter on summer chilled soups (including a gazpacho which is one of my faves). I'll keep you posted :-)

2009-05-19T09:55:00.002-04:00

A Perfect New York Day. Part Two.

2009-05-09T13:49:00.010-04:00

After filling up on art at MoMA, I caught up with Kelly and Jan (Kelly's Aunt) and we spent an hour wandering around Greenwich Village, enjoying the pretty residences and shop windows. Hungry, we stopped at several restaurants to read menus, but for one reason or another kept going until we had reached an "I don't care, the next restaurant we come across we are eating at" point.

Now I am not a fatalist, but considering that the New York City Department of Health lists more than 20,000 restaurants on its site, what are the chances that I would walk into the ONE with a hand painted wall mural by Maira Kalman? This simply cannot be explained by odds. I adore this woman's work. (I blogged about her here a couple of years ago.) The day before I was in the gift shop at The Whitney and bought one of her books.
I mean really.

It had already been such a nice day, and then I found myself in this wonderful little spot, where the food was yummy and I was drinking wine with my longtime best friend and looking across the table at original art by of one of my creative heroes. Well I was just giddy.

(Restaurant is The New French, 522 Hudson St. near 10th St.)

A Perfect New York Day. Part One.

2009-05-07T21:05:00.007-04:00

Wednesday was my perfect New York City day.
Here is what made it so...

After four days of a record breaking spring heatwave, we woke to cool air coming in the window and people on the street in jeans and jackets.
Ah, sweet relief.

We had breakfast in our old Upper West Side stomping grounds and then enjoyed a walk across Central Park to the Museum of the City of New York which has been on my list since our first visit.

After sending Kelly off to a Broadway matinee, I spent the afternoon at MoMA drinking in some of my favourite paintings...

Paul Gauguin's "Still Life with Three Puppies"

Henri Matisse's "Goldfish and Palette"

"The Bathroom" by Pierre Bonnard

And was introduced to the work of Leon Ferrari whose script like doodles I found fascinating...

A wonderful day, but my favourite bit was still to come...

Can't Resist the Double Decker!

2009-05-06T10:14:00.002-04:00

Photos here. Stories to follow :-)

Manhattan Bound

2009-04-23T08:52:00.008-04:00

Off to New York tomorrow for my biennial with Kelly. I'm excited but still dragging around "the illness that will not end". This time we are staying in a cute little Greenwich Village apartment right by Washington Square, and I plan to spend a few days exploring the immediate neighbourhood rather than zooming all over town with a checklist. Of course there are a few oldies but goodies to revisit...
MOMA
Walking the Brooklyn Bridge
The Neue Gallery
And of course, the double decker bus!
Perhaps this is the year I actually get to The Met. I think I have avoided it thus far because it seems so overwhelming. I'm heartbroken because an exhibition of my (current) favourite artist just ended. I'll miss it by just a few days. Ah well, if I don't work up the courage to tackle the actual museum, maybe I will sneak into the gift shop to pick up the Bonnard exhibit catalogue :-)
So ta-ta for now. Hopefully I will come back refreshed and renewed and ready to pick up this blogging thing again.

good and bad

2009-04-17T12:01:00.005-04:00

i got a part time job at the enrichment center
yay!
i've had to call in sick everyday because of a nasty cold
boo...
i'm flying to NYC next friday for my biennial with kelly
yay!
i have an ear infection on top of my cold
boo...
spring is here and everything is pretty as can be
yay!
my allergies are making it even harder to get well
boo...
back to bed with a box of kleenex...

a page from my sketchbook

2009-04-02T18:37:00.003-04:00

a page from my sketchbook

2009-04-01T08:56:00.005-04:00

a page from my sketchbook

2009-03-31T08:56:00.003-04:00

a page from my sketchbook

2009-03-30T17:19:00.001-04:00

Fashion Models

2009-03-25T11:29:00.004-04:00

I found this great Keds ad in a magazine the other day. I love the shoes, I love the shape and the colour of the dress, I even love the tan legs. But in order to complete the "this is me in my beautiful yellow dress with my fabulous tan legs on a boardwalk by the sea" fantasy, I had to replace the Dachshund with my own lovable pooch.
Of course :-)

A Lighter Shade of Blue

2009-03-23T17:35:00.000-04:00

still here.

2009-03-22T15:47:00.003-04:00

Encaustics in process...
Not chatty.
Some painting.
Spring is here.
Why so blue?

Hello again.

2009-03-14T16:11:00.009-04:00

I worked Thursday.
And Friday.
My old boss asked if I would come in to cover while the remaining full-time artist takes some vacation days over the next month. And I said, "Whew! Just in time for some hard cold cash for my April trip to New York City!"
It was actually really nice to go back. I truly like those people and to sit for several hours doing something I am good at and to be paid for it... Whether I like to admit it or not, getting paid has a sweet satisfaction that I miss when volunteering.
Now there's an interesting philosophical question - the difference in satisfaction between doing something you enjoy for no pay vs. doing something you don't enjoy for pay. In my case the comparison would be more along the lines of a sense of contributing something good to the world and a worthy use of my time (volunteering at the Enrichment Center) vs. making money but without a feeling of time well spent.
Well, I'm obviously near the top of Maslow's hierarchy to even be contemplating such ideas.
In fact this whole post is beginning to feel a little rude. I'd better stop while I'm ahead.

In any case, David says I'm the bellwether of the economy since this week's stock market upswing seems to be in direct correlation to my returning to work. Who knew, all this time Wall Street was just waiting for me to get my butt off the couch.

Behind Door #1

2009-03-12T15:01:00.000-04:00

You'll never know if you walk on by...

Magic

2009-03-09T10:23:00.003-04:00

From my ice-bound sister in New Brunswick. Click on the image to enlarge and get the full beautiful detail of it all :-)

stop and smell the flower

2009-03-08T13:32:00.004-04:00

stop and look at the tiny buds
stop and listen to the waves of wind
stop and notice your shadow on the sidewalk
stop and savour the first spoonful
stop and
look
listen
notice
savour
share
feel
see
be

(Little drawing made here. How much fun is that?!)

We Got Snow!!!

2009-03-02T12:05:00.002-05:00

The view from my porch this morning.
Even my chimes are happy :-)

I'm In!

2009-02-28T15:59:00.006-05:00

Chair Stack 8"x11" ink on paper

Blue Phoenix 8"x11" ghost print ink on paper

One of my paintings was accepted into the Dimensions art show!
Rumour is there were over 500 entries, 80 were accepted, and hee, one of them is mine :-) They want the cloudscape. It's not my favourite (I mean how could they not pick the yellow chair?) and is really a one-off, not typical of my style, but I'm thrilled none the less :-)

The images above are from my monoprinting class that ended today. I don't think I will become a printmaker (too much clean up for one thing) but it was fun and I was reminded again of how much I enjoy art-making in a group.

I used to live here

2009-02-25T16:01:00.003-05:00

615B Somerset Street West
Ottawa Ontario
K1R 5K3

I've been in my studio again today discovering all sorts of interesting scraps as I sort through old files. One box was old pay stubs and tax forms from the mid-90's when I was living above this acupuncture shop. That's my old front door on the left with the rooster poster, and my triptych livingroom window above the sign. I was back from my travels, finishing my Anthropology degree and working at Carleton's student association.
I got Bobby as a 10 month old puppy in that apartment.
I met my friends Joanne (who I've lost contact with) and Louise (whom I haven't).
On the weekend I would walk down the street for Dim Sum or to the Chinese bakery for sticky buns.
I remember lying in bed the night the Toronto Blue Jays won the 1993 World Series and hearing the shouts and car horns as the neighbourhood exploded in celebration.

a couple random thoughts on art

2009-02-24T09:51:00.002-05:00

This came via my new friend Hilda.

And this, a comment I left on Libby's post a week or so ago.

"I am coming to the realization that I don't get what art is and I will never get what art is. I look at some things that are deemed cutting edge by the art scene and think, "but it's just three gallons of latex paint dumped in puddles on the floor... Why is that valued at thousands of dollars?".
But then I sit in my studio and make rows and rows of little scratch marks on a canvas and I feel like I am making art. Or rather, I don't feel I have a choice about the marks. I am compelled to make them and when I try to do something less simple or more "this" or more "that" I never like it. It doesn't give me that relief of scratching the itch that the repetitive mark-making does. So I always wonder, the pastel landscape artists, is that what they are doing too? Are they scratching an itch?
I just spent 4 months volunteering in the painting studio of a local center for adults with developmental disabilities (autism, brain injury, downs syndrome etc.) and all they care about is the process. There is a sales gallery for their work, but product does not taint their pure experience of creating. They sit at the canvas and make art.
It was fascinating to watch them."

I'm re-reading "The Accidental Masterpiece", just started "The Creative Habit", and waiting patiently in line is "Art and Fear".

And don't come out until it's CLEAN!

2009-02-19T08:39:00.003-05:00

I've been plugging away in my studio this week, trying to make sense of all that is piled in there. We lost one of our only storage cupboards in the bathroom renovation and everything that was in it got dumped in my studio to be sorted through.
Christmas decorations
a tent
extra bed linens
file folders
an old radio
half used hair products
junk junk junk
I also have a pile of art supplies that are not garbage but I am tired of hanging on to. I used craigslist.org for the first time, and immediately got four replies from people interested in the handmade paper leftover from my paper mache days. It is going to a teacher at a local alternative school for her art projects. That feels good :-)

When I started drawing this picture I had planned to put an "overwhelmed expression" on my face, but without thinking I drew this rather content and blissful face. A little subconscious reminder that it ALWAYS feels good to get rid of stuff.
How many times do I need to learn this lesson? The more stuff I collect the more weighed down I feel. The more I get rid of the happier the space feels.

The Wonderbread of Tea?

2009-02-13T10:10:00.005-05:00

I've given up coffee.
I was never a huge coffee drinker. One (jumbo) mug in the morning was it, but if I missed that mug, or couldn't get to it till noon, I was in trouble. Big headache by 3:00pm, and at that point it was too late. No amount of caffeine would take it away.
My arthritis diagnosis has pushed me to finally give it up. Caffeine is bad for arthritis apparently. I know, I know, tea has caffeine too, but not nearly as much plus it has antioxidants.
I've always enjoyed a cup of tea in the afternoon, but now I start my day with tea as well. My current favourite is PG Tips. Its tagline is "England's No.1 Tea".

Does that mean PG Tips is the tea equivalent of Wonderbread?
Yeesh.

Ah, very clever.

2009-02-11T18:52:00.003-05:00

(Thanks to Diane for the link)

(finally) Puttin' it out there

2009-02-09T17:33:00.005-05:00

I entered an art show today.
My first one.
That's a pretty big step for me :-)
It's a national juried show hosted by a local art association, and I entered the four paintings shown above (each one is 12"x12"), plus this one.
I do admit, it's a pretty "safe" first time out. If none of my pieces are chosen, well, hello, it's a NATIONAL show, I'm just starting out for pete's sake.
And if one of my pieces does get selected... well HELLO!!! A NATIONAL SHOW!!! WooHOO!
Plus, because it's local, I don't have to worry about shipping which can be tricky with beeswax.
I truly have no expectations (hopes yes, expectations no.) and am just going to attempt a healthy balance of optimism - because they have to pick someone, why not me? and resilience to rejection - because every juror has their own taste, I don't expect everyone to like what I do. Notifications are sent out the end of the month so keep your fingers crossed :-)

I feel rather chuffed with myself.

Snowy Fly Creek

2009-02-05T19:17:00.001-05:00

More photos here.

Snow! Here I Come!

2009-01-28T20:52:00.004-05:00

On Friday I am going to Fly Creek, New York to visit my friend Julie.
She lives in a big wood house at the end of a long gravel driveway, with her new husband, a cat, three dogs, two horses, a flock of sheep and some chickens.
I am looking forward to walks in the snow, going into Cooperstown for pedicures (even though it's winter and no one will see them), learning about her new life with Tom far away from her North Carolina home, and catching up over cups of hot tea. Did I mention snow? Well, I'm looking forward to snow. The way it smells and squeaks or crunches underfoot and the way light and sound take on a completely different quality when the world is blanketed. I know for those of you who have been living with it day in and day out for months already, this may sound like the rantings of a mad woman. But I miss it. I don't want it for months on end, but while I am there, I plan on enjoying every flake.

Thank you America

2009-01-20T20:24:00.007-05:00

"We reject as false, the choice between our safety and our ideals."

I've been glued to the TV much of the day (just like Jimmy, see below) and let me tell you, I have gone through a good number of tissues. I don't quite know if the tears are simply related to "age" (I seem to choke up at all sorts of things I never used to) or if they point to how deep my anger and shame and frustration have actually been through the past eight years. For most of Bush's second term I withdrew from the news. Didn't want to feel that knot in my stomach, didn't want to think the nasty thoughts that listening to him brought on, wanted to avoid the feelings of powerlessness etc. etc.
I'm not one that has overblown expectations for Barack Obama, but I do feel a sweet sweet relief today. Like I will be able to turn on the news without fearing another "oh god, what has he done now?"
And the over-the-top pomp and circumstance didn't even bug me. Now there's a sure sign of change!

Jimmy loves his new President

2009-01-20T15:42:00.003-05:00

Good Things

2009-01-18T16:14:00.004-05:00

Jenny and Patrick's yummy ginger chai.
Johanna's wonderful illustrations (and recipes).
Tuesday.

Paint art. Paint walls.

2009-01-16T12:59:00.003-05:00

The Enrichment Center has a Mardi Gras themed fund raiser every year at which they auction off art and masks painted by artists at the EC and in the community. This is the mask I did.
(David promises to bid on it if no one else is interested... I love my supportive husband :-)

And in other news, the guestroom has transformed from dramatic dark burgundy, to happy welcoming yellow and blue! Come see for yourselves :-) Bed guaranteed, breakfast optional.

Ok, as soon as these pain killers kick in...

2009-01-14T11:22:00.008-05:00

I will BE:

excited

proactive

leaning forward

in charge

active

daring

full

fearless

Last week I participated in a free "teleclass" (basically a telephone conference call) hosted by Laura Neff on "No-Regrets Goal Setting for 2009". I wasn't quite sure what to expect, sometimes these types of things can be all irritating cheerleading and no substance, but the hour long session turned out to be quite good and I came away with a few useful ideas. The most eye-opening of which was the need for PLANNING.
Huh? You mean actually sit down and set some goals?

I've never been a goal setter. Lists I love, goal setting, not so much. But finding myself at 41 staring at a very blank "what next?", goal setting suddenly has a new appeal. Our first task was to brainstorm a list of words that would describe ourselves in the year ahead. How we would BE rather than specifics of what we would DO. Then working from that image of being we were asked to define one specific goal in each of nine categories (creative growth, family, vocation etc.) and then answer questions related to it. Questions like "What makes this goal important to me?" and "What/who will keep me inspired when maintaining gets difficult?". Due to time, we only worked on one during the call (physical health), but it was enough of a start to get me excited about tackling the rest. Laura talked about viewing the year ahead as embarking on a 12 month journey, and how one wouldn't head off on a year long trip without doing some research and planning (or at least a Lonely Planet guide, dear Miss Nadine at 20 flying to Johannesburg without a clue...). I'm excited about the idea of actually having some structure, a few guide posts to help me navigate 2009. So when it's over I can look back and say, ah yes, I reached that goal, mis-fired at that one, need to rethink this one... But at least feel as if I had an oar in the water and didn't just bob along at the mercy of the waves.
And as for my "BE" list (oh, I like that! "The B-list" hee.) when I read it, it does smack a little of that irritating cheerleading I mentioned earlier, but that's ok. Because they truly are words that I aspire to, and even though my period is giving me grief and I'm not feeling it right this moment, as soon as these pain killers kick in, I plan on working on being all that.

2009-01-08T09:34:00.003-05:00

Enrichment Center Group Project Monoprint 30"x40"

In November, guest instructor Mona Wu taught a monoprinting class to a select group of students at the Enrichment Center. The final project was this large piece where each artist did one segment of the grid. It turned out beautifully and will hang along with the individual prints each student made at the Monoprint Magic show that opens January 23rd.
I have a funny connection with Mona and was so happy to be working with her again. The day David and I got married, I was taking a Chinese painting class from Mona. I went to her class in the morning, then met David at lunch to go to the Court House to get married. She is always a part of my "wedding day memories". I have only run in to her once or twice since then, but on our 10th anniversary (November 4th) there I was, making art with Mona again :-)
She is teaching a monoprint workshop four Saturdays in February at Reynolda House which I hope to sign up for. I'm still in love with my encaustics, but if the printmaking ink is compatible with beeswax I have some ideas brewing about combining the two...

An attitude adjustment is in order.

2009-01-06T20:05:00.005-05:00

This word seems to be deliberately throwing itself in my path this week. In the newsletter from my old yoga studio, on the radio, in a few of the blogs I read. Perhaps it's a standard "New Year" topic that I've just never noticed before.
Never needed before.
I'm paying attention now though because my fear of "the future" I've realized, is actually more a fear of right now. I know I will find work at some point, and I can always take on another volunteer job if a paying one is too long in coming, but being ok with today, allowing myself to accept rather than get depressed or freaked out by the situation is the lesson I need to learn.
Contentment.
I was talking with my friend Julie yesterday and heard myself tell her "if I had a job lined up that started even a few months from now, I'd be able to enjoy this time, but the scary unknown is ruining it".
Uh, no. I am ruining it.
Today is today is today. If there's no joy in it I don't think I should be blaming that on tomorrow or next week or next month.

The newsletter from my yoga studio included this sage passage:
And don't confuse Contentment with satisfaction at some accomplishment or even with "getting what we want." Contentment is not the result of achievement; it is the result (and the process) of accepting everything in this moment, as it is. Contentment has very little to do with what is happening in the moment and everything to do with our attitude to the moment.

So stick that in your "the present moment is inevitable" pipe and smoke it.

New Year's Eve on West End Blvd.

2008-12-31T15:03:00.003-05:00

Taco kit? check.
Ice cream treats? check.
Wine? check.
Good movie? check.
Happy New Year Everyone!

The Mystery Year

2008-12-29T14:46:00.008-05:00

I dropped mum at the airport this morning.
Then I came home, made a cup of tea and sat alone and still on the sofa.

Two weeks of company, two months of renovation and four months of volunteering are behind me. What is ahead?
It feels like a void, although I know it's not - it's just that I don't know what's out there yet. Oh, I have several immediate things on my to-do list - paint the guestroom, reclaim my studio, other stuff around the house, but it's the bigger "ahead" that feels heavy and looming and sort of scary (and too familiar if I do say so myself. I believe I have been here before).
How can I best contribute? What will make me feel useful? Where will I be happy? That's always the crippling one for me - the "what if I pick the wrong path and am miserable?" fear. I feel quite lost. Lost combined with a panicy sense of needing to act quickly and not be some pampered house wife who spends her days doing la-la-la whatever she pleases. The guilt of a comfortable life.

Well, actually I spent today drinking tea in the bath and watching four back to back episodes of Long Way Down and I didn't feel guilty for a second. It's still 2008 after all.

Christmas Eve 2008

2008-12-24T18:54:00.003-05:00

Mum is in the kitchen of our little beach house making a Flapper Pie for dessert tomorrow, David is rinsing off after a dip in the outdoor hot tub, Jimmy is zonked out from a day of sand and surf and I am stealing a few minutes (and the neighbour's wifi) to send a little Christmas Eve hello.
Of course, Christmas at the beach doesn't feel like Christmas, (I'm dreaming of a White Christmas...) but we will find a holiday concert or movie on the television later this evening, look at the little pile of wrapped presents under the ficus tree and give thanks for the opportunity to be here together.

I've loaded some photos on my flickr site. I'll try to capture the elusive David on film tomorrow.

Happy Christmas all :-)

Tree Hugger

2008-12-16T09:45:00.007-05:00

And the fun just never stops here on West End Boulevard.
During our most recent battle with the, ahem, tenants it was suggested that we make the house a little more difficult to get into. That is, perhaps the tree branches that were serving as runways directly to the roof were part of the reason ours is such a popular motel. So today there is a crew of lumberjacks trimming and felling a number of trees in our yard. Many are just being cut back from the roofline, but we decided to completely take down five of them.
It makes me sad. I know they have become a threat to the house - both during ice storms and from their expanding root systems, but I can't help but feel cruel for what feels like willy-nilly killing of these beautiful old living things.

I promise I'll plant some bushes this spring.

In other news, mum arrived safely on Friday and although we are all a touch under the weather, we have done quite a few fun things already. Black Nativity on Saturday night, the West End House Tour on Sunday afternoon, and a little bit of Christmas lights touring in the car last night. Mum of course can not wrap her head around Christmas without snow (me neither actually) but we have carols playing and a few more Christmasy events later this week before we head to the beach on Saturday.

And for those who are tracking my health, I got my MRI results back. I have a herniated disc (at L3) and arthritis in L3-L4, L4-L5, and L5-S1.
Arthritis? Sheesh.
So now I have some Googling to do. I really don't know a thing about arthritis (other than that everyone over 65 seems to have it in some form or other). At least I know what it is now. No more mystery numb leg.

Magnetism

2008-12-10T16:27:00.006-05:00

(image from ABC News site)

I'm finally going for an MRI this evening. My doc and I talked about it at my yearly physical earlier this month, and because my back pain/numb leg thing is going into its sixth month he thinks I should just go and see what is going on in there. I'm not sure what I'm hoping for. I guess just some sort of concrete diagnosis so I can know what I'm dealing with. My body has been so good to me my whole life, I just want to have some guidelines so I can be good back. What will help? What will hurt? What can I do to create the optimum healing situation (or at least keep from worsening it)? I'm pretty good at just listening to my body and learning that way, but with this, the pain and numbness keeps moving and the feedback has been all over the place. I'm never quite sure what has helped and what has made it worse.
I wonder if I can get a note saying I shouldn't do housework... :-)

Sundog

2008-12-07T19:09:00.002-05:00

Winter sun....

... makes me sleeeeeepy

:-)

Concert Season (and dust)

2008-12-06T13:11:00.005-05:00

The Enrichment Center Christmas Concert is this coming week, and yesterday I had the fun job of painting backdrops for the skits. I did one of a Macy's department store counter and another of a New York City brownstone street scene. My "art painting" has always been small so this was a new experience to paint with my arm instead of my wrist and fingers. I liked it :-)

I started the post-construction clean up this morning. I pulled down the plastic sheeting that was protecting the furniture and things that couldn't be moved downstairs and to my dismay, everything still got covered in dust. I think the demolition dust is just so fine, it seeps into the tiniest of openings. I'm not disheartened though, I will just plug away, take a break when I need to, and slowly reclaim my house.

B...b..but I want to PAINT!!!

2008-12-03T10:56:00.003-05:00

I'm not a big TV watcher (well, except for What Not to Wear. David must really love me to indulge me that one every Friday night at 9:00pm... although I must say I have noticed that he perks up during the Nick Arrojo segment :-) but I do spend much of my down time surfing around the web. After nearly two months of no access to my studio, I am full up with inspiration, and am bursting to get in there and PAINT!!!
This makes me want to paint. And this. And this and this. And even this.
I may explode from visual goodness if I don't get into my studio soon.

Tradition

2008-11-25T08:01:00.005-05:00

American Thanksgiving 2005

American Thanksgiving 2006

American Thanksgiving 2007

American Thanksgiving 2008

shower bliss

2008-11-22T17:20:00.005-05:00

I had a shower :-) In my own house :-)
What a treat after five weeks of renovations :-)
We're not quite done... still have the old wood floor to refinish, the shower door to be installed and, oops, I told you I sucked at envisioning how things would look together, and I was proved (proven?) right when they brought in the counter top.
I hate it.
David hates it.
I thought I would give it a few weeks hoping it will grow on me, but, ya, I'm pretty sure I will continue to hate it and every time I walk in the bathroom I will think, "all that money and effort and this ugly counter top is the only thing I see". I'm hoping it can be removed without damage so we can donate it to the Habitat Restore and someone else can have my ugly mistake.
And then friends, life should get back to normal, and I will blog about more interesting things than the colour of the grout and the whining about the dust, and most importantly, I will have my studio back with a place for my computer and my paints and my scanner and this blog will get back on track.
Lets hope.

2008-11-16T11:05:00.000-05:00

Why I will never be an Interior Designer

2008-11-13T19:27:00.006-05:00

You would think as an artist I would be reasonably skilled at choosing paint colours and counter tops and tiles and fixtures that look good together.
Not so.
I find it simply impossible to envision what something will look like based on a two inch chip of paint or counter sample. I think I have been approaching this bathroom design the way I approach a painting - put something down, look at it and then decide what to do next. I am finding out however that you can't really do that with home renovation. There really should be a plan. Contractors don't like being told "How about you put up the tiles and then I'll take a look and decide what colour of grout should go with it?". This is all compounded by the ridiculous number of choices for every fricken item. There are too many varieties of Oreos in the grocery store, and there are too many bathroom vanity lights at Home Depot.
Thankfully there have been a few saving graces along the way. I was pretty committed to using non-VOC paint, and when I went to pick up some chips the sales woman was apologizing as she walked me to the display because "it only comes in 65 colours". I just about kissed her. The greatest gift however was when several layers of vinyl flooring was pulled up to reveal the original hardwood in really good condition. Having been to the flooring store once already, I immediately started campaigning to refinish the old floor and save me from the HELL of facing the hundreds, no, thousands! of flooring possibilities out there.

Proof of the chaos:

Shower tiles went up today.

Our bedroom.

My studio.

Disoriented

2008-11-09T20:36:00.005-05:00

It's not that nothing is going on, it's just that I don't feel "wordy" these days.
Perhaps it's because the house is so topsy-turvy with the reno going on. Piles of things everywhere and beds in the wrong rooms and things I need hidden in boxes. No studio, no shower, construction dust on everything. I'm not complaining, I'm just disoriented.

It won't be perfect but it will be better.

2008-11-05T16:12:00.005-05:00

I wasn't sure if I was going to watch any of the coverage last night. I didn't think I could bear the stress, didn't want to experience all the hateful thoughts that would arise in me if McCain starting winning. I watched for awhile, then went to bed to read around 9 o'clock. I had a fitful night. Woke up several times but didn't want to turn on the radio and disturb David. Weird dreams. Memories of 2004 when I just couldn't believe it. How? Who are these people that I am living amoungst? Why? Why would they vote him in again?
And then such relief this morning.
It won't be perfect. It doesn't have to be. But today I feel a little less of an alien here. It feels good.

Please, please, please....

2008-11-04T09:33:00.003-05:00

bedtime doodle

2008-10-30T20:03:00.006-04:00

this...

plus this...

equals this...

Hello old friend

2008-10-26T13:04:00.015-04:00

Every once in awhile Jimmy needs to go out in the middle of the night. His routine is always the same; he comes over to the bed and sits staring at me wagging his tail. I resist at first, hoping if I just lie motionless, pretend I'm still asleep, not move a muscle, he will give up and go back to his bed. Never works.
Even though my initial impulse is to stay in my warm bed clinging to sleep, often these little middle of the night outings are a gift.
Like last night when I got to say hello to my old friend Orion, who has reappeared in the autumn sky. I love Orion and miss him during the summer months. He is the sky of my northern childhood and holds the star I like to make my wishes on. I stood on the sidewalk in my housecoat taking in the starry sky and my sleeping neighbourhood. Quiet. A light still on in one house, then a car driving down Broad Street. The sound of the leaves under my shoes - so loud!
Back in my warm bed, Jimmy curls up on his, and David sleepily whispers "thank you".

time flies

2008-10-22T20:15:00.004-04:00

So... I had the best of intentions of writing a real post today, and I even had a page picked out from my bedside doodle book but my scanner is in the room where Carol is staying so I had to wait until she left but then the contractors started jackhammering the tiles off the shower so I did some laundry and decided to work on this Sunset Beach panorama that I have had since last Thanksgiving and still haven't finished and when they left I couldn't stand the dust so I vacuumed and then I remembered I still hadn't looked at flooring so I walked downtown to a place that I thought might sell eco-friendly linoleum and when I got back David was already home and we decided to take Jimmy for a walk as a family and when we got back we were starved so David went out to water the grass seed and I put on a pot of pasta and made some garlic bread to eat in our chairs while listening to As It Happens on our Canadian satellite and then Carol came home and we chatted about her day and now it's nearly 9:00pm and I still need to pull down the printmaking paper that is under plastic in my construction dust covered studio to take to work tomorrow and I want to call mum because she leaves in the morning for Winnipeg for a Cancer Society meeting so this will just have to do because as you can see I am a very busy woman.

2008-10-17T09:53:00.002-04:00

2008-10-14T10:00:00.002-04:00

From Africa to Black Balsam Knob

2008-10-06T20:46:00.006-04:00

Some photos from our Asheville hiking excursion.
Cockie has fallen in love with the Blue Ridge Mountains. We are heading up again on Wednesday :-)

Sentimental Journey

2008-09-29T20:27:00.003-04:00

In three hours I will be driving to the airport to pick up my friend Cockie (pronounced "Cookie", short for Cornelia). This photo was taken almost 18 years ago (can that really be true???) in the Transkei region of South Africa. I think I wore that t-shirt - which was already a handmedown from some other backpacker, nearly every day for over a year.
I've lost so much of that journey. I would love to have a clear memory of this day. Did we pass through the village or did we stay the night? Who took the picture? Do we look happy...? Was it a good day on the road?
I'm so excited about Cockie's visit. The summer David and I went to Sweden I hopped over to Amsterdam for a few days, so it hasn't been such a long time since we last saw each other. But she has never been to visit me here in North Carolina, and we have a full 11 days to hang out and catch up and do some hiking in the mountains.

I feel quite nostalgic looking at this.
I was 23 when that photo was taken.
I was a different person.

train of thought

2008-09-23T10:04:00.003-04:00

8" x 10" encaustic, oil and paper on board

Headache since last night. How do people live with chronic pain? Bathroom reno due to start October 15, ACK! I haven't picked out paint or lights or showerhead... I hate the "decorating decision-making" stuff, wish I could just find a photo in a magazine and say, "here do this". Fall is suddenly here, Hallelujah! I made it. My world has suddenly expanded exponentially (is that the correct phrase?). I can walk Jimmy in the morning, or if I please, I can just as easily go out in the now cooler late afternoon. Cockie arrives in 6 days! I am so excited :-) A post on that later. Ruth and Peter getting ready to move to New Brunswick on Thursday. Sending good vibes their way.
This art makes me happy.

Flocking

2008-09-17T21:13:00.005-04:00

4" x 24" encaustic and oil on board

Studio Wednesday :-)
And the Toyota birds are back.
Because it is such a long piece, you will have to click on the image and scroll across to really see it. I like working horizontally... Feels like putting down a story.

Gratitude

2008-09-16T09:56:00.005-04:00

I heard this on NPR's StoryCorps while driving one morning, and brought to tears when he says: "Now, every time it rains and I have keys in my pocket, I have a joy of life that you cannot believe.", I pulled into a parking lot so I could write it down. (You can click on "Listen Now" above the photo on the NPR page to hear the recording.)
This morning the rain is coming straight down. Steady and heavy and beautiful to watch and listen to from the comfort of my livingroom. I don't like thinking about all the people (and dogs and cats and kids) out there who may be wet and cold and scared and sad because it makes my chest hurt. But I don't want to become one of those people who never thinks about them, because that would be even worse.

While searching for a photo of rain I found the video by Patti Griffin. The lyrics are melancholy but the music and art work are just lovely. Enjoy.

la la la I can't hear yooooooo...

2008-09-14T13:59:00.003-04:00

Here I am yesterday at a silent meditation retreat. Trying my best to ignore all the distractions my mind threw my way.
Off to a wedding in a few moments... The wind is crazy today! Ike causing all sorts of weather weirdness in these parts I guess.

Maybe I just have bad taste?

2008-09-10T20:27:00.008-04:00

I spent much of this rainy Wednesday designing some ads for the gallery at the Enrichment Center. I emailed off three layouts and as soon as I hit send I thought, "I shouldn't have sent the one with the thin black triangles. I'm not happy with it. And that will pretty much guarantee that that is the one they will pick."
And guess which one they picked? ... The one with the thin black triangles.
It's the Murphy's Law of graphic design.
Rule: Never show them your least favourite!
Ah well, maybe my favourite (see below) will get used in another publication at some point.

Drop the Horizon

2008-09-03T19:17:00.004-04:00

12" x 12" encaustic and oil

Well, I wasn't as successful spending uninterrupted time in my studio as I was last Wednesday, but I did manage to get to a point with this one that I think I am satisfied with (at least for the moment :-). I did the clouds on the weekend but have been really struggling with what to put on the bottom. I think because the sky is more realistic than what I normally paint, I felt oddly obligated to stay with the "landscape" theme. I tried rolling tilled fields, I tried horses at pasture, I tried a dirt road fading off into the distance. They each lasted a day and then were scraped off and put on the wax pile. Today I gave up on the landscape and just put a little row of wind mills, related to, but not part of the picture.
My next attempt will drop the horizon down. More clouds, less other stuff.

Good-bye Sweet Mary Janes...

2008-08-30T14:40:00.004-04:00

Earlier this week I got a cheque in the mail from Continental Airlines reimbursing me for the suitcase they lost on our way to Spain this spring.
I can't help but wonder where my suitcase ended up. Did someone in Madrid snatch it off the turnstile by mistake - or on purpose? Did it even leave the Charlotte airport? Is it stuck in some backroom somewhere or has it already made its way to Alabama? Who is wearing my beloved red Kenneth Cole Mary Janes???
The good news is they reimbursed the entire amount of my claim. (I had read that they normally pay "Ebay value" rather than "replacement value". So even if buying a replacement might cost you $50, the fact that the item that was lost was two years old means the airline would pay you $10.)
So I find myself in a bit of a What Not To Wear situation. I've got a fairly nice fistfull of money to spend on new clothes. I think I'll do some culling in my closet this weekend to make a space... :-)

The little happy mushroom was the end page from a children's book I illustrated while at school. I came across it during my clean this week :-)

Do Not Disturb.

2008-08-28T09:30:00.012-04:00

encaustic and oil 12"x12"

When I got back from Penland I was very pumped about discovering that I was capable of spending hours painting, even if sometimes I wasn't "in the mood". Learning that the key to producing art is to just sit down and do something, trust that inspiration will follow. It usually does.
I wanted to find a way to hold on to that magical energy, knowing it would wither and die if I didn't actively tend to it. I also knew if I was going to quit Builders Art I needed to treat volunteering as a job and not make the mistake I did during our first year here, which was to spread myself thinly at several different places and consequently not become a real part of any of them.
I think for the moment I have found the right balance: M, T, Th and Friday I am at The Enrichment Center.
Wednesday I am at home.
In my studio.
No phones.
No appointments.
No errands.
No soup making.
NO web-surfing! (oooh, that'll be a tough one for me...)
Yesterday morning after walking Jimmy I sat at my table without a clue what to do and by the end of the day I had finished this new boat.
While painting I listened to three episodes of Speaking of Faith online (ok, ok, I went online, but I went straight to the radio downloads, no surfing I promise) which is a show about ethics and different religions and faiths which I enjoy but often miss. So I made a painting I'm pretty happy with and I learned about Voodou and Saint Paul and chanting in Sanskrit. Not bad for a Wednesday.

Plus this nice review from Libby who was in the Penland class.

First Impressions

2008-08-25T21:35:00.008-04:00

Holding my portrait done by a student at the Enrichment Center.

Day five of my new "non-job" and I'm still surprised by how quiet everyone is when they are working. I think I expected lots of talking and shouting and general chaos like you might find in a kid's art room, but these people are serious about their painting and get right down to it. The classes have about 10 students, each of whom has their preferred medium and subject. "A" likes to paint bright green horns (the musical kind) and will do several during a class. "P" draws big dinosaurs which he then paints and cuts out. "C" draws racing cars.
I spend my time flitting around the classroom, praising what's being done, maybe suggesting a paint colour or encouraging more detail on a certain area. I'm also going through all the supplies, throwing out dried up paint, refilling bottles, the little jobs that otherwise never get done.
I wonder how I could get someone to come do this for me at home.... :-)

Drought.

2008-08-24T21:28:00.005-04:00

David and Jimmy and I drove out to Pilot Mountain for a little Sunday outing this afternoon. We couldn't believe how low the creek is. Usually these rocks are accessible only by leaps and jumps and the threat of wet shoes. It is deceiving driving around because so much remains green despite the lack of rain. How do the trees do it?

In other news, my studio-clean is almost complete, the Olympics are finished so I am assuming I will not be hearing David's alarm going off at 3am this week and I am excited about going back to my new volunteer job tomorrow (what does one call a volunteer position?). More on that later :-)

(Banner) Queen for a Day

2008-08-20T19:51:00.019-04:00

I went by Borders this weekend and yipee!, the new issue of Artful Blogging is out, with my banner from HDIGH? in the Banner's We Love section :-) It's sorta cool to open a glossy magazine and find this familiar image inside. I'm really chuffed that with all the thousands and thousands of blogs out there, they stumbled across mine and thought it worthy of publication.
hee :-)

The Organizer of Marks

2008-08-18T11:23:00.002-04:00

... and hopefully by the end of today, the organizer of a messy studio.

My brain talks too much.

2008-08-15T15:16:00.003-04:00

The more I try to be in the moment, the more I attempt to be present, the more I notice how much of a constant yakkidy-yak-yak my brain is. It is relentless. Sometimes I want to scream at it - SHUT UP!!! I'm trying to have a moment here!!! I don't care about what you are thinking about! Give me a freakin' break for ONE MINUTE, PLEASE!
Sheesh.
I know it all sounds a little schizophrenic, but I challenge you to try it for yourself. Just try to stop the brain chatter, just be with what you are doing, and you will see for yourself what I mean. It's almost as if my brain has ADD. It is instantly bored just doing one thing (ie: paying attention to what is actually going on) so it creates this extra layer of information and distracts me with a memory, or a grocery list, or planning what I might do later... Anything as long as it is something besides paying full attention to what I am doing right now.
And that is why I am determined to have a daily meditation practice. Because, well, the present moment is inevitable. And if I'm going to be living it, whatever it is, I would like to be aware of it while it's happening.

PS. I met with the painting coordinator yesterday and I start next Tuesday! Yipee!

Unemployed.

2008-08-13T15:22:00.006-04:00

I just got home from packing up my cubicle. For those who don't know, the "American Housing Crisis" is really hurting the agency I work for, and I have had almost no work since May. I cried a little in the car before I pulled out of the parking lot, but I absolutely know this was the right decision.
So right in fact, that the universe rewarded me for finally handing in my notice with a phone call from the Painting Studio Coordinator at The Enrichment Center. I am meeting with her tomorrow afternoon and I am all abuzz with excitement because this place is top•top•top of my list of places I would like to commit my time to. It almost seems too good to be true, and I don't want to jinx it, but really, I feel like her call (and she was really enthusiastic and nice on the phone :-) was a gift to reward me for finally doing what perhaps I should have done some time ago.

Photos on Flickr

2008-08-11T18:41:00.002-04:00

The Penland pics are up! Click here.
(I don't have images of all the paintings I made because I was a goofball and didn't photograph some that got traded, sold and/or melted down :-) Oops.

The Auction Painting

2008-08-07T21:10:00.007-04:00

Here I am just before the auction, grinning big beside my painting. The little fabric piece above it was done by my new friend Sue who was in the Textiles Studio. I love little happy coincidences like that. She is the person I became closest with during the two weeks, and I am sure we will stay in touch. So nice that our work hung together :-)

A close-up, but the colour is truer in the top photo.
For those who have not discovered it yet, you can always click on an image to enlarge it on your screen.
(The text was written by my collaborator's 15 year old daughter.)

Penland, Day Seventeen

2008-08-05T20:39:00.007-04:00

After the auction last night, I stopped at the studio and took this photo. Made me sad in the same way as looking at abandoned houses or old photographs in secondhand stores. So much creative energy generated in this room for two whole weeks, and now just a few piles of boxes left.
Ate my final super-dooper Penland breakfast, said the needed goodbye's, and was back in Winston-Salem by lunchtime.
Then I cleaned the house.
I think it was my way to reconnect. My human version of a dog marking territory - I have mopped this floor - this space is mine.
I'll unpack tomorrow, do laundry, listen to phone messages. Somehow, I don't think I'll get my paints out for a few days :-)

PS. The auction was a great success. The collaborative piece went for $250 and my small one $85. I'll have some pictures on Flickr soon.

Penland, Day Sixteen

2008-08-04T16:56:00.002-04:00

Me, Emily, Pat, Jeff, Sarah, Nel, Stephanie
Anne, Bridgette, Ryanne, Joyce, Libby

Packing up and cleaning day. It's got that weird vibe like before a big trip where a low level stress hangs in the air and everyone is a little snippy. Plus it's really stinkin' hot with no air-conditioning anywhere for relief.

Tonight is the auction. The collaborative piece with Heather got finished this afternoon and I am donating another small piece that always gets comments when people walk through the studio, but I don't particularly love myself.
Right now I'm hiding in my room enjoying a moment of quiet and solitude (and a cup of tea). I'm feeling a little apprehensive about returning to real life tomorrow... Ready to leave, but wanting to stay.

Penland, Day Fifteen

2008-08-03T16:34:00.004-04:00

This is the view from the window above my bed. Every morning I wake up, lift my head off the pillow and see this beautiful meadow with the Blue Ridge Mountains in the distance and an early morning fog caught in the hollow. Most mornings the lamas (yes, there are two lamas here) are lying right atop the hill looking regal (well, in that sort of goofy Dr. Seuss way lamas have). Haven't seen them for a few days though. Perhaps it's too hot and they have found a shady spot in the trees.
I wouldn't have seen them this morning anyway. When I raised my head to look out, the whole world was white and misty and dreamy looking. I decided to go for an early morning walk to enjoy the change of "scenery" and just enjoy some quiet before the day started up.
I'm ready to go home. Partly because things feel like they are winding down - people packing up panels and trading finished pieces, and partly because I need to take a break and digest all the stuff that has happened with my art making over the past two weeks.
Plus I miss my husband and my dog.

Penland, Day Fourteen

2008-08-02T16:09:00.002-04:00

It took 14 days, but I finally walked over to the coffee house/ reading room and spent an hour browsing through the books while sipping a cup of Penland's famous iced gingerade. It's a lovely little non-lending library full of art and craft books and magazines, and initially I had visions of wandering over from the studio every afternoon for a cup of tea and some relaxed reading. I didn't know then how the hours would fly by in the studio, how taking a break to sit and read would just not figure into the daily flow of creative energies. I never imagined I could spend so many hours happily painting, breaking only for food and sleep :-)
Today has been my balancing day. This morning four of us drove over to Burnsville to their annual craft fair. The hustle and bustle was not what I was looking for however (it was a bigger, busier fair than I had realized) and I found this little tea shop where I hid out from the craziness.
So I've had some contemplation time in the teashop, some reading time in the coffee shop, and now I think I will lay down for a little afternoon nap. It's so hot and muggy here today, my brain feels thick and sluggish. A little nap might just do the trick to complete my rebalancing :-)

Penland, Day Thirteen

2008-08-01T22:58:00.003-04:00

This is part of the Penland diningroom. I took the photo yesterday at lunch when it was teeming rain as we ate. The noise created by 100 people talking is often deafening enough, but with the rain on top, it was literally impossible to hear anyone but the person right next to you.
I know there will be some difficulties readjusting to "real life" when I leave this oasis next Tuesday, but here are some things I am looking forward to:
Curling up with David and chatting about our day.
Coming home to be greeted by Jimmy, who makes you feel like the most important person in the whole world.
Eating without having to engage in conversation.
Clean clothes!

I started on the collaborative piece I am doing with Heather today. I will pass it to her tomorrow so she can add to it and hand it back to me and so on and so forth until we feel it is done. Of course we only have until Monday morning, so this is art work on the fly. I hope it turns out...!

Penland, Day Twelve

2008-07-31T23:30:00.005-04:00

This is the old dye shed where I often sit and drink my morning coffee. It's one of the oldest buildings here, and is mainly used now to store odds and ends. It's such a sweet little place with a small second story that feels a bit like a sleeping loft.
The whole place is filled with wonderful old buildings, wood and stone and brick. Red tin roofs, stone steps, ironwork hand rails. Architecture that feeds the soul.

Penland, Day Eleven

2008-07-30T16:37:00.004-04:00

Have been working on this painting all morning. I think it's done, but then again...

I've never been one to analyze why I paint or draw certain images, but I've been thinking about it today. I have a self imposed mandate here at Penland to experiment and do new things, but somehow every day I sit down and am compelled to paint boats and cups and little marking patterns. I can't stop! I'm not beating myself up too much because even though the object is the same, I've been trying different techniques on the backgrounds and playing with the images.
For a girl who grew up in the Canadian Shield, the boat thing is a curious image to have coming up over and over again.
Maybe it's my way to pay tribute to my dad who was happiest out on the lake fishing.

Penland, Day Ten!

2008-07-29T23:26:00.003-04:00

Today's Highlights:
1. Oatmeal for breakfast. Yes, pancakes and waffles and fruit salad and scrambled eggs and biscuits are nice, but sometimes a girl misses her warm breakfast smoothie and needs a bowl of oats.
2. Finally getting to see Jeff paint. We've learned how to make our own medium and rabbit skin glue and gesso and pigment cakes, but until today had not seen the man wield a paintbrush. (And no, he's not torching his painting. Part of the encaustic process is the fusing with heat of each layer to the one below. I use a heat gun, he prefers a propane torch.)
3. Yoga. Every day at 7am and 5pm there is a yoga class. I have not gone because of the hip pain that has plagued me since before my trip to Winnipeg. I've been pain free for two days, so I went tonight, and yay! no pain! I love yoga. It felt so good to move my body again.